Liz woke at 4:30AM and still has not gone down for a nap. The rain has prevented me from doing he much needed mowing, but forced me to do endless laundry and housecleaning. The pinnacle of my morning was dropping an open canister of oatmeal such that I created a rolled oats volcano in my pantry. Basically, this will not be my best work. This post is less of a post and more a round-up of a couple of items that provide a nice follow-up to some previous posts.
A&F "cool kids"- This letter from The Militant Baker is a really great perspective on the whole A&F Fat Hate campaign. I really like that it respectfully addresses the benefits of targeted marketing and stresses the idea that ideals of beauty are subjective. I also really like that is breaks down the cultural norm that fat women are not attractive or that fat people will never be seen paired off with fit/thin people. As a woman who has always outweighed her partner, it's refreshing to see more people challenging the idea that women should always be the thinner ones. Socially we accept overweight men with thin/fit women as a matter of course (ah, the sweet permissive privilege of being male), while seeing the opposite gives us pause. To that I say "hooray!"
Facebook/Advertising Debacle- Women, Action & The Media has done an amazing job with this movement. Definitely check out the info, though I caution against looking at the "examples" page, major trigger warning/stomach turning misogyny. If you can only read one bit, read the FAQ, this is where the great explanations of the situation are found. I really like how they explain Facebook's current rules, how they have been previously applied and why they need to be applied here. The crux of the argument: pages that promote rape or violence against women are the same level of hate speech seen by racist/homophobic/anti-Islamic pages, yet Facebook doesn't moderate this the same way they moderate other "isms."
There is your assigned reading for the day class. Now, to try and turn my awful, exhausted, frustrating day around! And by that, I mean "get more coffee."
23 May 2013
22 May 2013
PR Nightmares in the Making
If you are not following Everyday Sexism (@EverydaySexism) and the media storm they are creating surrounding anti-woman Facebook pages and Facebook advertisers, you certainly should be. While it is way more nuanced than this, in essence Facebook has allowed the existence of some really awful pages on its site. These are pages with content that makes getting called a "slut" on the radio look like misogyny's amateur hour. Running in the sidebar of these pages are advertisements from many well-known companies and well, some women's rights organizations are calling these companies out on just how they feel about their ad content being run alongside/supporting these pages. Also, it begs the question: why does Facebook permit these pages to begin with?
So, Facebook. On this note, it is a 1st Amendment rights/censorship issue. You don't have to agree with the statements put forth by all the users of this social media, but you do have to respect their right to make those statements. I understand why Facebook is only willing to tread lightly here. To do a knee-jerk cleanse of anything this petition finds offensive opens the door for forcible removal of anything anyone finds offensive and well, where does that leave the social media giant? Up to its eyeballs in 1st amendment lawsuits. I get it. However, Facebook has gone on the record many times removing "questionable" content. Pictures of breastfeeding women and artwork containing the nude form immediately come to mind, but I am sure countless others exists. Since the company has set a precedence for removing content at their whim, the questions of why these pages are allowed to persist is worth asking. If you can remove content that promotes breastfeeding (totally legal), then why are you not removing content that encourages rape and domestic violence (both illegal)? On a personal note I am dying to see what Sandberg has to say about all this. Since I would hope that her book on corporate feminism doesn't include the disclaimer that "women should be equals unless tacit agreement with female subjugation lines my pockets with advertising money," I think we need to hear from her...and soon.
As for the advertisers? They are in a tough spot. They buy Facebook ad space, but beyond that, I assume they don't get much say in the whens and wheres of how the ads run. It is not the fault of Nissan, Dove or Audible that their ads are running alongside pages that promote violence against women. But, by not taking steps to remedy the problem once they know, they are tacitly saying that they don't even see a problem. When you say "oh well, it is out of our hands" you are inherently saying "I can't be bothered to sacrifice revenue to do the right thing." From a profit driven perspective, sure this make sense. However, in this era of social media and social consciousness, the best way to ensure your profits take a dive is to alienate or offend your target demographic. In this day and age, the money spending demographic that one targets with social media sites is also a demographic that won't take kindly to supporting un-PC behavior.
This is quickly escalating into a PR debacle for several of the advertisers in question. In addition to calling out Facebook on this content, this may start to serve as a tragic cautionary tale for how not to handle this style of inquiry. Now that it has all been released into the wilds of the internet, this could get really bad, really fast.
There is so much ground from here on that I can't even begin to explain or discuss it just yet. I cannot recommend strongly enough that everyone keep an eye on this one. I suspect that this event may have serious long-term impacts on how companies handle themselves for years to come. The internet is fickle my friends. When you rely on social media users as consumers, you must handle that double edged sword carefully. You might just cut off your own arm.
So, Facebook. On this note, it is a 1st Amendment rights/censorship issue. You don't have to agree with the statements put forth by all the users of this social media, but you do have to respect their right to make those statements. I understand why Facebook is only willing to tread lightly here. To do a knee-jerk cleanse of anything this petition finds offensive opens the door for forcible removal of anything anyone finds offensive and well, where does that leave the social media giant? Up to its eyeballs in 1st amendment lawsuits. I get it. However, Facebook has gone on the record many times removing "questionable" content. Pictures of breastfeeding women and artwork containing the nude form immediately come to mind, but I am sure countless others exists. Since the company has set a precedence for removing content at their whim, the questions of why these pages are allowed to persist is worth asking. If you can remove content that promotes breastfeeding (totally legal), then why are you not removing content that encourages rape and domestic violence (both illegal)? On a personal note I am dying to see what Sandberg has to say about all this. Since I would hope that her book on corporate feminism doesn't include the disclaimer that "women should be equals unless tacit agreement with female subjugation lines my pockets with advertising money," I think we need to hear from her...and soon.
As for the advertisers? They are in a tough spot. They buy Facebook ad space, but beyond that, I assume they don't get much say in the whens and wheres of how the ads run. It is not the fault of Nissan, Dove or Audible that their ads are running alongside pages that promote violence against women. But, by not taking steps to remedy the problem once they know, they are tacitly saying that they don't even see a problem. When you say "oh well, it is out of our hands" you are inherently saying "I can't be bothered to sacrifice revenue to do the right thing." From a profit driven perspective, sure this make sense. However, in this era of social media and social consciousness, the best way to ensure your profits take a dive is to alienate or offend your target demographic. In this day and age, the money spending demographic that one targets with social media sites is also a demographic that won't take kindly to supporting un-PC behavior.
This is quickly escalating into a PR debacle for several of the advertisers in question. In addition to calling out Facebook on this content, this may start to serve as a tragic cautionary tale for how not to handle this style of inquiry. Now that it has all been released into the wilds of the internet, this could get really bad, really fast.
There is so much ground from here on that I can't even begin to explain or discuss it just yet. I cannot recommend strongly enough that everyone keep an eye on this one. I suspect that this event may have serious long-term impacts on how companies handle themselves for years to come. The internet is fickle my friends. When you rely on social media users as consumers, you must handle that double edged sword carefully. You might just cut off your own arm.
21 May 2013
So Glad This is My Biggest Problem Right Now
As Kindergarten draws to a close I find myself in an odd position with Charlotte and her reading. Without sounding like "that mom" she is kicking buns at reading (and by extension writing) and this leaves me with a choice to make. Do I pursue the idea that she is "advanced" in this topic or do I just let her and her teachers work it out?
The back story is that she brings home a "book bag" ever week with the goal being to read, and log, the books every night then turn them back in for a fresh set at the start of the next week. Her bag currently contains the highest Kindergarten level books, which she reads with ease. So far my response has been to have her read those once, then have her read other books of her choice on the other nights noting those on her log sheet. This seems reasonable to me, keeps Charlie interested in reading, gets her "homework" done and subtly lets the teacher know what level of book Charlie will tackle on her own. Bbbuuuuttttt, I do kind of wonder if I need to be doing more to encourage the school to keep her chugging along. I am torn between my understanding that as long as she is progressing, and I have the luxury of augmenting her schoolwork as needed to keep her engaged, then why rock the boat and the nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You are the only person who can advocate for your child, blah, blah, blah."
Fundamentally I find myself unsure if this "advanced" reading is even worth worrying about. Early reading isn't a guarantee of being "gifted" (whatever that even means anymore) and frankly, there is no way to tell at this age is she is actually "gifted" in any way or if she is merely a "bright child" who does well with the academic format.
Odds are that by 3rd grade everyone will have evened out with the reading and all this will prove to just be the folly of a bored millennial mom. Add in that I have really mixed feelings about getting kids labeled, one way or the other, this early in the game and this is an avenue that I may not even want to explore. Frankly getting your kid into a G&T program often has very little to do with kids actually being that gifted and more to do with just getting your kid in a track of classes that tends to include the option of honors/AP study.
So yeah, with a mere three weeks of school left and an entire summer of doing whatever we want ahead of us, I think I will just let sleeping dogs lie on this one. I am going to put my faith in the system that her teachers are well aware of her strengths and weaknesses and will help her along accordingly. In the meantime we will do what we have always done: read what she wants to read and let her guide the experience. Frankly, I was often bored to tears by what we were reading in class, and it didn't really seem to do me any harm re: loving to read so perhaps I need to just let this go. The funny thing about first world problems is that they are rarely actually problems worth whining about.
On a lighter note we are doing a shared-reading/read-aloud of the book Tuesdays at the Castle by Jessica Day George. This book is very cute, features a female protagonist who is a princess, but not in the Disney-Princess sense and has a healthy dose of action, adventure and intrigue. Both of my girls are loving the story. Liz (3.5) seems to be following along well and Charlie (6) takes turns reading with me. This book is a bit above her current mastery level, but she is determined to read it, so we shall see how that end develops. Right now the hardest part is not secreting it out of her room so I can read ahead! Highly recommend this one and look forward to reading the other book in the series and the other book series written by the author.
The back story is that she brings home a "book bag" ever week with the goal being to read, and log, the books every night then turn them back in for a fresh set at the start of the next week. Her bag currently contains the highest Kindergarten level books, which she reads with ease. So far my response has been to have her read those once, then have her read other books of her choice on the other nights noting those on her log sheet. This seems reasonable to me, keeps Charlie interested in reading, gets her "homework" done and subtly lets the teacher know what level of book Charlie will tackle on her own. Bbbuuuuttttt, I do kind of wonder if I need to be doing more to encourage the school to keep her chugging along. I am torn between my understanding that as long as she is progressing, and I have the luxury of augmenting her schoolwork as needed to keep her engaged, then why rock the boat and the nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You are the only person who can advocate for your child, blah, blah, blah."
Fundamentally I find myself unsure if this "advanced" reading is even worth worrying about. Early reading isn't a guarantee of being "gifted" (whatever that even means anymore) and frankly, there is no way to tell at this age is she is actually "gifted" in any way or if she is merely a "bright child" who does well with the academic format.
 |
| I don't have an original citation for this one, so if anyone knows the original source, please let me know. |
So yeah, with a mere three weeks of school left and an entire summer of doing whatever we want ahead of us, I think I will just let sleeping dogs lie on this one. I am going to put my faith in the system that her teachers are well aware of her strengths and weaknesses and will help her along accordingly. In the meantime we will do what we have always done: read what she wants to read and let her guide the experience. Frankly, I was often bored to tears by what we were reading in class, and it didn't really seem to do me any harm re: loving to read so perhaps I need to just let this go. The funny thing about first world problems is that they are rarely actually problems worth whining about.
On a lighter note we are doing a shared-reading/read-aloud of the book Tuesdays at the Castle by Jessica Day George. This book is very cute, features a female protagonist who is a princess, but not in the Disney-Princess sense and has a healthy dose of action, adventure and intrigue. Both of my girls are loving the story. Liz (3.5) seems to be following along well and Charlie (6) takes turns reading with me. This book is a bit above her current mastery level, but she is determined to read it, so we shall see how that end develops. Right now the hardest part is not secreting it out of her room so I can read ahead! Highly recommend this one and look forward to reading the other book in the series and the other book series written by the author.
20 May 2013
That Escalated Quickly
Chris is traveling this week so I was all set to have a great time with the girls. The plan was taco dinner, My Little Pony in the big-bed, stories, and alternating big-bed sleepovers (Charlie's turn tonight). Instead the girls were in their own beds at 6PM with no desert, no cartoons and no stories while I scraped "taco slurry" off my kitchen floor.
Long story short, despite my repeated requests for them to sit down, calm down and finish their dinners while not acting like wild hyenas, they acted like wild hyenas. This led to the upending of a plate taco remnants followed by a nearly full glass of water. Upon asking them to go upstairs and get ready for bed, instead of realizing that they had finally crossed the line, the two of them threw a tandem tantrum and were then banished to the bedrooms and put to bed because frankly, I was D.O.N.E.
While I feel like I actually handled it well. No yelling or screaming, just a calm "you chose not to listen so we are done now, see you in the morning", but I am still really pissed that they actively chose to sabotage their own good time. Why do kids do that? All they had to do in order to enjoy a lovely evening of special girl-time was not act like total assholes and yet, here we are.
Part of it is the vicious cycle of excitement. Knowing that something fun is coming they get completely out of control with anticipation, inevitably leading to terrible behavior that causes a quick end to any notion of fun-time. I also think part of it is that they know they can stick it to me when Chris is gone. The upshot of Chris being gone for months at a clip instead of days was that once you survived the first few days of the kids making your life a living hell, a routine eventually got established and life rolled on. While I wouldn't go back to that lifestyle for all the tea in China, this current system means I get to do all the horrible days of douchebaggery with none of the "getting on with it."
So there you have it. Kids self-destructed on lovely planned activities. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I do not have a good feeling about the next few days here. Time for a beer, some chocolate and an early bed-time. Clearly I need to be in top fighting form when the sun rises tomorrow...
Long story short, despite my repeated requests for them to sit down, calm down and finish their dinners while not acting like wild hyenas, they acted like wild hyenas. This led to the upending of a plate taco remnants followed by a nearly full glass of water. Upon asking them to go upstairs and get ready for bed, instead of realizing that they had finally crossed the line, the two of them threw a tandem tantrum and were then banished to the bedrooms and put to bed because frankly, I was D.O.N.E.
While I feel like I actually handled it well. No yelling or screaming, just a calm "you chose not to listen so we are done now, see you in the morning", but I am still really pissed that they actively chose to sabotage their own good time. Why do kids do that? All they had to do in order to enjoy a lovely evening of special girl-time was not act like total assholes and yet, here we are.
Part of it is the vicious cycle of excitement. Knowing that something fun is coming they get completely out of control with anticipation, inevitably leading to terrible behavior that causes a quick end to any notion of fun-time. I also think part of it is that they know they can stick it to me when Chris is gone. The upshot of Chris being gone for months at a clip instead of days was that once you survived the first few days of the kids making your life a living hell, a routine eventually got established and life rolled on. While I wouldn't go back to that lifestyle for all the tea in China, this current system means I get to do all the horrible days of douchebaggery with none of the "getting on with it."
So there you have it. Kids self-destructed on lovely planned activities. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I do not have a good feeling about the next few days here. Time for a beer, some chocolate and an early bed-time. Clearly I need to be in top fighting form when the sun rises tomorrow...
19 May 2013
Sitting in a Writer's Chair
I just started City of Bones by Cassandra Clare, the first of The Mortal Instruments series. I am only about half way through it and I love it already. Supernatural mysteries, teen angst, budding romance...this one pretty much hits all my enjoyable reading requirements.
While I would recommend the book (especially if you like the House of Night series by Cast &Cast),it mostly serves as the lead in to something I have been thinking about a lot lately. More and more often when I get a hold of a YA book in this supernatural genre, there is an obligatory review quote from Stephenie Meyer. Now I appreciate that good reviews are good, and having someone with some best-seller clout praise your book is good marketing, but I wonder how that feels if you are in the writer's shoes.
I will put it out there that I read all the Twilight books, and even saw all the movies due to some morbid fascination, so I certainly don't look down on those who enjoyed Meyer's books. I also think that regardless of how you feel about the novels themselves, the series provided an opportunity for YA readers to explore the supernatural genre. These books were perhaps the gateway read for other books in the YA supernatural vein. However, Meyer is hardly a paragon of amazing writing from either a creative or technical perspective. With that in mind I wonder how authors feel when the cover of their book features an author endorsement that's only source of credibility is that said author sold a lot of books despite the fact that the books were not so great.
Granted, the publication process is complex, and I imagine that the evolution of covers, descriptions, reviews and quotes often happens as a completely separate process from how the author produces the content. Not to imply that book marketers don't care about honoring the books (I imagine you can only be in book marketing if you love the hell out of books), but there must be some decisions of this nature that happen purely because they boost the book's cache within a market demographic and not because they reflect the opinions of the most accomplished/respected/prolific writers of the genre. While the goal of making a living as a writer is just that, to make a living and some marketing is required for that, I do find myself curious how it feels to put your heart and soul into writing a novel and then have your agent be like "we are gonna smack a quote on the cover so you can make some cash from the twi-hards."
On a personal level I find it somewhat offensive that really great books, books that make Twilight look like drivel, are granting cover space, as in above the title/author listing, to quotes from Ms. Meyer. I get why it is done, and I don't begrudge the brilliance of the plan here (I do want to see all these authors do well), but for some reason it bugs me. Regardless though, check out Cassandra Clare and her YA series. Good stuff.
While I would recommend the book (especially if you like the House of Night series by Cast &Cast),it mostly serves as the lead in to something I have been thinking about a lot lately. More and more often when I get a hold of a YA book in this supernatural genre, there is an obligatory review quote from Stephenie Meyer. Now I appreciate that good reviews are good, and having someone with some best-seller clout praise your book is good marketing, but I wonder how that feels if you are in the writer's shoes.
I will put it out there that I read all the Twilight books, and even saw all the movies due to some morbid fascination, so I certainly don't look down on those who enjoyed Meyer's books. I also think that regardless of how you feel about the novels themselves, the series provided an opportunity for YA readers to explore the supernatural genre. These books were perhaps the gateway read for other books in the YA supernatural vein. However, Meyer is hardly a paragon of amazing writing from either a creative or technical perspective. With that in mind I wonder how authors feel when the cover of their book features an author endorsement that's only source of credibility is that said author sold a lot of books despite the fact that the books were not so great.
Granted, the publication process is complex, and I imagine that the evolution of covers, descriptions, reviews and quotes often happens as a completely separate process from how the author produces the content. Not to imply that book marketers don't care about honoring the books (I imagine you can only be in book marketing if you love the hell out of books), but there must be some decisions of this nature that happen purely because they boost the book's cache within a market demographic and not because they reflect the opinions of the most accomplished/respected/prolific writers of the genre. While the goal of making a living as a writer is just that, to make a living and some marketing is required for that, I do find myself curious how it feels to put your heart and soul into writing a novel and then have your agent be like "we are gonna smack a quote on the cover so you can make some cash from the twi-hards."
On a personal level I find it somewhat offensive that really great books, books that make Twilight look like drivel, are granting cover space, as in above the title/author listing, to quotes from Ms. Meyer. I get why it is done, and I don't begrudge the brilliance of the plan here (I do want to see all these authors do well), but for some reason it bugs me. Regardless though, check out Cassandra Clare and her YA series. Good stuff.
18 May 2013
Rules of Running
- The run intervals happen on the uphill parts. It doesn't seem statistically possible, but it is true.
- There is always a headwind. Even on an out and back, there is no such thing as a tailwind.
- You will have to pee the second you start running.
- The first sip of water when you are parched and sucking wind will induce a coughing fit and well...possibly more peeing.
- Pandora knows when you are working out and only plays songs you don't like.
- Pandora also knows when you are doing speed work and will play annoying commercials for banks during the 30 seconds you are supposed to be sprinting as fast as you can. Very motivating.
- Your headphones will snag on everything within a two mile radius.
- Your child will need something every ten feet.
- There are not enough snacks/toys/books in the world to keep a 3.5 year old from losing her shit for a mere 30 minutes.
- The jogger wheels will (inexplicably) need air as soon as you are at your farthest point from the house.
17 May 2013
Keeping It Moving
Today's prompt is "workout gear I can't live without." I have been getting back into working out. Mostly because after almost two months of dieting I have managed to gain two pounds and my one pair of pants is still too tight so yeah...this semi-annual resolve to lose weight may be drawing to its typical pathetic close. On the upside back into running and biking so here are my current favorite bits and baubles to make the bodily torture a little less tortuous. **Note: some of these items are "luxury" workout items, certainly not required. I will put out the disclaimer that much of this stuff was gifts from my loving family who indulge my bizarre fitness equipment/apparel consumer fetishism.**
Bike Trainer- I am going to level with you, riding your bike on this thing is nothing short of hell. A good bike/spin workout will really work your body and somehow the monotony of pedaling and getting nowhere is a million times worse than running and getting nowhere. However, I can ride this quietly while Liz rests, or set it up in the yard and ride while the kids burn some energy (howdy neighbors!). While I would much rather enjoy the actually fun part of bike riding-the scenery- when you need to cross-train and juggle kids, popping your bike on this thing is a life-changer.
RunKeeper App- This is free and low-tech, but it does what I need it to do. Tracks mileage and speed when you are out running/biking and it can be programed with prompts for interval work. Before I head out I type in what intervals I want to do, then turn on my music and go. I no longer have to watch the clock (the worst possible hobby while trying to run), the beeps tell me when to run and when to walk or when to pedal fast and when to cruise. The app then keeps logs of all your workout, you can add notes and even share on FB and Twitter is you need the public shaming for motivation. It is not so great on the mill or the trainer, though it will still do the prompts/time even if it tells you that you have covered 0.0 miles at a rate of 3.872million hours per mile.
Zensah Compression "sleeves"- I am generally fighting mild shin splints and sore Achilles (more like tight Achilles thanks to too many years of horseback riding that left me uncomfortable doing physical activity where I can't hold my heel 4 inches lover than my toe at all times) so compression socks are great. However, having the compression sensation on my feet is just the worst. These fit the bill perfectly. I have the neon yellow ones, you know, nothing crazy.
RAD Score Body Cream- My SIL in got this for me and I love it. Acts like Biofreeze, but not as intense. Feels very nice after your post-workout shower, just rub in into a sore spots and it helps loosen things up. Not made of anything freaky either if that is something you worry about.
Of course, even though I love these items, my workout wish-list is a mile long. I still lust after a GPS watch and feel this odd desire to own a kettle-bell. I can only imagine the gear I can get into if I ever pursue my long-term goal of doing a few sprint triathlons once the girls are in school full-time. For now a bit of 5K training and biking for cross training wil keep me plenty busy.
Bike Trainer- I am going to level with you, riding your bike on this thing is nothing short of hell. A good bike/spin workout will really work your body and somehow the monotony of pedaling and getting nowhere is a million times worse than running and getting nowhere. However, I can ride this quietly while Liz rests, or set it up in the yard and ride while the kids burn some energy (howdy neighbors!). While I would much rather enjoy the actually fun part of bike riding-the scenery- when you need to cross-train and juggle kids, popping your bike on this thing is a life-changer.
RunKeeper App- This is free and low-tech, but it does what I need it to do. Tracks mileage and speed when you are out running/biking and it can be programed with prompts for interval work. Before I head out I type in what intervals I want to do, then turn on my music and go. I no longer have to watch the clock (the worst possible hobby while trying to run), the beeps tell me when to run and when to walk or when to pedal fast and when to cruise. The app then keeps logs of all your workout, you can add notes and even share on FB and Twitter is you need the public shaming for motivation. It is not so great on the mill or the trainer, though it will still do the prompts/time even if it tells you that you have covered 0.0 miles at a rate of 3.872million hours per mile.
Zensah Compression "sleeves"- I am generally fighting mild shin splints and sore Achilles (more like tight Achilles thanks to too many years of horseback riding that left me uncomfortable doing physical activity where I can't hold my heel 4 inches lover than my toe at all times) so compression socks are great. However, having the compression sensation on my feet is just the worst. These fit the bill perfectly. I have the neon yellow ones, you know, nothing crazy.
RAD Score Body Cream- My SIL in got this for me and I love it. Acts like Biofreeze, but not as intense. Feels very nice after your post-workout shower, just rub in into a sore spots and it helps loosen things up. Not made of anything freaky either if that is something you worry about.
Of course, even though I love these items, my workout wish-list is a mile long. I still lust after a GPS watch and feel this odd desire to own a kettle-bell. I can only imagine the gear I can get into if I ever pursue my long-term goal of doing a few sprint triathlons once the girls are in school full-time. For now a bit of 5K training and biking for cross training wil keep me plenty busy.
16 May 2013
It's Almost Like Someone Actually Thought About It For More Than 6 Seconds
Sadly, when the news broke that the military had a ridiculously high percentage of sexual assault cases that have all gone pear-shaped my response was a mere "yeah, that checks." People put in charge of running sexual assault prevention used their power to sexually assault strangers and subordinates? Not really a shock to anyone who has been even tangentially been involved in the military. I am no less disgusted than anyone else, but I am tragically underwhelmed by the fact that someone outside of the military's secret circle of ineptitude finally noticed.
Thankfully Ms. Gillibrand (D-NY) finally made a move to correct the obvious problem with the military's system of dealing with sex crimes: make sure the in-house chain of command is not the governing authority for in-house cases. (Trigger warning: the depth of misogynistic stupidity in the comments on the article might make your head explode, you have been warned.) Maybe, you shouldn't expect members of the same workplace hierarchy (all with something to gain or lose depending on how the case goes) decide the fate of such cases. Seems obvious when you say it out loud. The equivalent of expecting a fraternity's ruling council to properly investigate an accusation against a fraternity brother seems like awfully poor policy. Now just do the same thing with a eleventy-trillion-dollar-federally-funded organization tasked with national security. What could go wrong?
Additionally you have to consider the military culture. In the military, the entire management hierarchy is based on the premise that you are no longer a human being*. (While I can only speak directly about the submarine force, I hear that this is not a unique phenomenon.) You are not worthy of sleep, or time to eat, no vacations or holidays, no sick days or time to see your family. You are a cog in the machine, your job is to do what your superiors tell you, no questions asked, and then take the fall if it goes downhill. (This was certainly true in my personal experience and the closest I ever got to "serving" was acting as a volunteer family liaison with Chris' command. It was a nightmare.) You show up every day, get verbally and psychologically abused by your superiors while working for hours that are actually considered criminally negligent by any other industry.
Now when you get sexually assaulted by a ship-mate, possibly even a superior, you have to report to a superior (who has probably made your life a living hell) and trust that now, by some miracle, you will be taken seriously and helped**. Sure, that will be great. Add in that the higher up the food chain you are, the more ferociously you defend the idea that your command is running perfectly with no problems and well, you can be damn sure that the current figured for screwed up/delayed investigations is pretty much the tiniest tip of the iceberg. The commanding officer whose career depends on things going smoothly should not be the final arbiter of criminal investigations involving two subordinates. This is legal theory 101 people.
The point here is that the current system by which the military handles sexual assault cases is really screwed up. While fixing this system won't fix the larger problem of our military's personnel management issue that has led to the sexual assault issue, it might help cut down on the number of military members raping and sexually abusing other military members. Hopefully it will at least mean that when this happens, and it will based on how the military self-selects for certain personality types, there will be a system that does the right thing for everyone involved. The take-home message here is that no one gets a fair shot when your entire investigative system is run by people burdened with a major conflict of interest. Again, seems pretty obvious when you say it out loud.
*Chris's comment was that military management skill is based on the same dehumanizing principle of abusive relationships.
**Granted it is a little more complex than this, there are point people within each command to handle this issue, and they can theoretically operate outside the normal chain of command, but when in a closed environment like a submarine, where the point person is only handling these claims as collateral duty, there is no way to avoid the word spreading like wildfire. Add in that the commanding officer still signs off on the point person's evals...well, would you risk rocking the boat for the sake of some subordinate who is now adding more work to your already overburdened day? It makes you a bad person, but I can see exactly how one might make the choice to be "less than helpful" so as to preserve their own good standing. This is what the military system of management has created.
Thankfully Ms. Gillibrand (D-NY) finally made a move to correct the obvious problem with the military's system of dealing with sex crimes: make sure the in-house chain of command is not the governing authority for in-house cases. (Trigger warning: the depth of misogynistic stupidity in the comments on the article might make your head explode, you have been warned.) Maybe, you shouldn't expect members of the same workplace hierarchy (all with something to gain or lose depending on how the case goes) decide the fate of such cases. Seems obvious when you say it out loud. The equivalent of expecting a fraternity's ruling council to properly investigate an accusation against a fraternity brother seems like awfully poor policy. Now just do the same thing with a eleventy-trillion-dollar-federally-funded organization tasked with national security. What could go wrong?
Additionally you have to consider the military culture. In the military, the entire management hierarchy is based on the premise that you are no longer a human being*. (While I can only speak directly about the submarine force, I hear that this is not a unique phenomenon.) You are not worthy of sleep, or time to eat, no vacations or holidays, no sick days or time to see your family. You are a cog in the machine, your job is to do what your superiors tell you, no questions asked, and then take the fall if it goes downhill. (This was certainly true in my personal experience and the closest I ever got to "serving" was acting as a volunteer family liaison with Chris' command. It was a nightmare.) You show up every day, get verbally and psychologically abused by your superiors while working for hours that are actually considered criminally negligent by any other industry.
Now when you get sexually assaulted by a ship-mate, possibly even a superior, you have to report to a superior (who has probably made your life a living hell) and trust that now, by some miracle, you will be taken seriously and helped**. Sure, that will be great. Add in that the higher up the food chain you are, the more ferociously you defend the idea that your command is running perfectly with no problems and well, you can be damn sure that the current figured for screwed up/delayed investigations is pretty much the tiniest tip of the iceberg. The commanding officer whose career depends on things going smoothly should not be the final arbiter of criminal investigations involving two subordinates. This is legal theory 101 people.
The point here is that the current system by which the military handles sexual assault cases is really screwed up. While fixing this system won't fix the larger problem of our military's personnel management issue that has led to the sexual assault issue, it might help cut down on the number of military members raping and sexually abusing other military members. Hopefully it will at least mean that when this happens, and it will based on how the military self-selects for certain personality types, there will be a system that does the right thing for everyone involved. The take-home message here is that no one gets a fair shot when your entire investigative system is run by people burdened with a major conflict of interest. Again, seems pretty obvious when you say it out loud.
*Chris's comment was that military management skill is based on the same dehumanizing principle of abusive relationships.
**Granted it is a little more complex than this, there are point people within each command to handle this issue, and they can theoretically operate outside the normal chain of command, but when in a closed environment like a submarine, where the point person is only handling these claims as collateral duty, there is no way to avoid the word spreading like wildfire. Add in that the commanding officer still signs off on the point person's evals...well, would you risk rocking the boat for the sake of some subordinate who is now adding more work to your already overburdened day? It makes you a bad person, but I can see exactly how one might make the choice to be "less than helpful" so as to preserve their own good standing. This is what the military system of management has created.
15 May 2013
Unscheduled Un-Plans
The talk today amongst the mommies at story-hour turned to summer
plans. Apparently there is a huge rush to get your kid enrolled in some
kind of summer program. For a few moments I kind of felt like a total
slacker because my kids are not really signed up for anything. Of
course, I quickly remembered that Charlie and Lizzie have turned down
pretty much every offer of summer activities I have mentioned. Charlie
doesn't want to do soccer, she doesn't want to go to camp, Liz doesn't
seem interested in Kindermusic...my kids just are not down with the
"enrichment."
I have mixed feelings about this. I do worry that they will miss out on the education and social experiences that summer programs provide. Summer activities are a nice way to still see your friends, meet some of your new classmates before school starts and generally try some new experiences. With such a hyper-focus on kids having filled schedules and intense immersion educations, being the parent who would prefer to go hiking, keep reading journals and spend the days at the beach can make you really feel like an anomaly.
Of course, the flip side is that my kids also prefer those things. It suits them for us to do our own adventures, sometimes meeting up with friends, sometimes not. I think maybe kids get more out of a day trip to a museum than a week of art camp. I was also not really into "camp" as a kid. My sisters and I spent our summers doing the Great Reading Race, going out to Cape Cod and riding horses. That was pretty much it , yet somehow we all grew up to be relatively well adjusted, overly-educated adults. Granted, it helped that both of my parents were educators so my Mom was home when we were home and thus, we did not need to be in camp as a replacement for childcare or anything like that.
Side note: another major monkey wrench in my plan to ever get back to work. What will I do with my kids in the summer? Given the kind of job I will be able to pick up given my hiatus from the workforce, school schedules and the demands of Chris' job, it is likely to only be profitable if we keep our childcare expenses at $0.00. It will be a while before I am making enough at what will basically be a part-time gig that paying for that much childcare is worthwhile. So what happens when I need 10 kid-days worth per week of childcare for three months? Well, fuck, this outlook is a bit grim.
Anyway, the point here is that we plan to spend our summer "slacking." I think I will try and keep us on a bit of a schedule, and definitely do some "school" so as to keep Charlie fresh with her reading and math while helping Liz along with her preschool skills. I am thinking maybe daily journal writing/drawing. One "road trip/adventure" day a week, plus library day and beach day for sure. Log some miles on our zoo membership and enjoy our new yard and all the awesome outdoor toys. I may plan out some themes for each week, just so we have some cohesive learning experience, though this is mostly so when they want an activity I can guide them through something worthwhile. Of course Chris will be working four day weeks for 11 weeks starting in July, so while that means a sucky pay-cut (thanks Congress!) we will certainly have some chances for family fun.
Camp Summer Slacker. Population: 4.
I have mixed feelings about this. I do worry that they will miss out on the education and social experiences that summer programs provide. Summer activities are a nice way to still see your friends, meet some of your new classmates before school starts and generally try some new experiences. With such a hyper-focus on kids having filled schedules and intense immersion educations, being the parent who would prefer to go hiking, keep reading journals and spend the days at the beach can make you really feel like an anomaly.
Of course, the flip side is that my kids also prefer those things. It suits them for us to do our own adventures, sometimes meeting up with friends, sometimes not. I think maybe kids get more out of a day trip to a museum than a week of art camp. I was also not really into "camp" as a kid. My sisters and I spent our summers doing the Great Reading Race, going out to Cape Cod and riding horses. That was pretty much it , yet somehow we all grew up to be relatively well adjusted, overly-educated adults. Granted, it helped that both of my parents were educators so my Mom was home when we were home and thus, we did not need to be in camp as a replacement for childcare or anything like that.
Side note: another major monkey wrench in my plan to ever get back to work. What will I do with my kids in the summer? Given the kind of job I will be able to pick up given my hiatus from the workforce, school schedules and the demands of Chris' job, it is likely to only be profitable if we keep our childcare expenses at $0.00. It will be a while before I am making enough at what will basically be a part-time gig that paying for that much childcare is worthwhile. So what happens when I need 10 kid-days worth per week of childcare for three months? Well, fuck, this outlook is a bit grim.
Anyway, the point here is that we plan to spend our summer "slacking." I think I will try and keep us on a bit of a schedule, and definitely do some "school" so as to keep Charlie fresh with her reading and math while helping Liz along with her preschool skills. I am thinking maybe daily journal writing/drawing. One "road trip/adventure" day a week, plus library day and beach day for sure. Log some miles on our zoo membership and enjoy our new yard and all the awesome outdoor toys. I may plan out some themes for each week, just so we have some cohesive learning experience, though this is mostly so when they want an activity I can guide them through something worthwhile. Of course Chris will be working four day weeks for 11 weeks starting in July, so while that means a sucky pay-cut (thanks Congress!) we will certainly have some chances for family fun.
Camp Summer Slacker. Population: 4.
14 May 2013
Some Things Never Change
Having just blogged about how awesome it is to have my kids be older, I now need to backtrack a bit and say that there is one portion of parenting that is never any less tortuous: bedtime. Getting the two of them to bed is still an endless nightmare of aggravation every single night. While they are in separate rooms, with darkening blinds, and they are well aware of the bed-time routine I am often chasing them back into bed and asking them to be quiet for hours after I finish stories and turn out the lights. They have two main approaches to delaying sleep, both of which leave me positively manic with hatred by 8PM, never mind being run ragged by the two for them until as late as 10PM. That is 15.5 solid hours of childcare with no breaks for anyone keeping score at home.
The first weapon in the arsenal is the bathroom. While Liz still wears a pull-up overnight (ironically, once she goes to sleep she is the deepest sleeper in the history of the world), but she and Charlie use the potty approximately 6,745 times (each) per evening. Now you can't tell a kid they can't use the bathroom but, you can imagine how much you want to tell them them that when the toilet has flushed 10 times in an hour, the sink has been running non-stop, there is an inch of standing water on the bathroom counter and no-one is sleeping yet. Add in that they sometimes "just happen' to cross paths and chit chat a little, soon I am filled with such rage that forbidding bathroom usage after 7:30 PM starts to seem totally reasonable.
The second major weapon is the endless requests to utilize mom's concierge service. They need drinks, their teeth hurt, they need a band-aid, they can't find their stuffed animal of choice, they are concerned that their bathing suits are in the laundry and they will need them when we go to Cape Cod...in August...you get the idea. You hate to leave a kid needing something, it feels cruel to make a kid go thirsty or to not take seriously a complaint of illness or injury, but by the 90th request I am ready to blow.
Every night is the perfect storm of my kids frantically doing anything and everything they can to demand my attention (because the previous 12+ hours of non-stop care were not, evidently, enough) and me being really ready for a break. As a result we end every single day with me snapping and announcing something to the tune of "I am not your servant, it is bedtime, shut your mouths, shut your eyes, I do not want to hear a peep until morning, I am done with your nonsense." Not really a great example of me being my best self and this leaves me stressed and upset and completely unable to unwind properly so I can get enough rest to face the next 15+ hour day of child-rearing, housework and general minutiae management. Who wants to end every day with your kids by "yelling" at them?
Thankfully Chris made a great plan. After I do final kisses and lights out, I am off duty. From then on, anything they think they need, they get Daddy. Now, my kids love their Dad, and he is an awesome Dad, but he really is not going to cater to them the way I am. Because he is smarter than I in this respect, he will not drive himself to the brink of physical and emotional exhaustion just to ensure that no one is lacking a stuffed animal or has to deal with the injustice of a crooked piece of artwork on their wall. As it turns out, the kids don't actually need me for anything other than the pleasure of seeing me hustle. The goal here is, in fact, just to make sure that I don't ever get to sit and enjoy some time doing my own thing. Side note: kids are assholes sometimes. Chris also really likes this because it gives him the authority to actually parent. Like most primary caregivers, I often gate-keep and butt-in when he is doing his thing. While logically I get that he is an adult, he is more than capable of parenting his own children and his relationship with the kids is its own organism, it can be really hard for me to sign off and mind my own business. Thankfully for all of us, my frayed nerves require that me make this change and I think it is really going to help us all.
Last night I tucked the kids in and that was that. I packed Charlie's lunch, finished the laundry and took a shower, all uninterrupted. I was then able to sit and catch up on the family blog, watch some Torchwood without pausing every five minutes and genuinely relax. Chris still managed to get through two of his class modules (something something federal employee certification something something subject matter expert blah blah blah) and the earth did not crash into the sun. This is the dawning of a new era...well at least until this month's week of travel for Chris...
The first weapon in the arsenal is the bathroom. While Liz still wears a pull-up overnight (ironically, once she goes to sleep she is the deepest sleeper in the history of the world), but she and Charlie use the potty approximately 6,745 times (each) per evening. Now you can't tell a kid they can't use the bathroom but, you can imagine how much you want to tell them them that when the toilet has flushed 10 times in an hour, the sink has been running non-stop, there is an inch of standing water on the bathroom counter and no-one is sleeping yet. Add in that they sometimes "just happen' to cross paths and chit chat a little, soon I am filled with such rage that forbidding bathroom usage after 7:30 PM starts to seem totally reasonable.
The second major weapon is the endless requests to utilize mom's concierge service. They need drinks, their teeth hurt, they need a band-aid, they can't find their stuffed animal of choice, they are concerned that their bathing suits are in the laundry and they will need them when we go to Cape Cod...in August...you get the idea. You hate to leave a kid needing something, it feels cruel to make a kid go thirsty or to not take seriously a complaint of illness or injury, but by the 90th request I am ready to blow.
Every night is the perfect storm of my kids frantically doing anything and everything they can to demand my attention (because the previous 12+ hours of non-stop care were not, evidently, enough) and me being really ready for a break. As a result we end every single day with me snapping and announcing something to the tune of "I am not your servant, it is bedtime, shut your mouths, shut your eyes, I do not want to hear a peep until morning, I am done with your nonsense." Not really a great example of me being my best self and this leaves me stressed and upset and completely unable to unwind properly so I can get enough rest to face the next 15+ hour day of child-rearing, housework and general minutiae management. Who wants to end every day with your kids by "yelling" at them?
Thankfully Chris made a great plan. After I do final kisses and lights out, I am off duty. From then on, anything they think they need, they get Daddy. Now, my kids love their Dad, and he is an awesome Dad, but he really is not going to cater to them the way I am. Because he is smarter than I in this respect, he will not drive himself to the brink of physical and emotional exhaustion just to ensure that no one is lacking a stuffed animal or has to deal with the injustice of a crooked piece of artwork on their wall. As it turns out, the kids don't actually need me for anything other than the pleasure of seeing me hustle. The goal here is, in fact, just to make sure that I don't ever get to sit and enjoy some time doing my own thing. Side note: kids are assholes sometimes. Chris also really likes this because it gives him the authority to actually parent. Like most primary caregivers, I often gate-keep and butt-in when he is doing his thing. While logically I get that he is an adult, he is more than capable of parenting his own children and his relationship with the kids is its own organism, it can be really hard for me to sign off and mind my own business. Thankfully for all of us, my frayed nerves require that me make this change and I think it is really going to help us all.
Last night I tucked the kids in and that was that. I packed Charlie's lunch, finished the laundry and took a shower, all uninterrupted. I was then able to sit and catch up on the family blog, watch some Torchwood without pausing every five minutes and genuinely relax. Chris still managed to get through two of his class modules (something something federal employee certification something something subject matter expert blah blah blah) and the earth did not crash into the sun. This is the dawning of a new era...well at least until this month's week of travel for Chris...
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