2. “I/my SIL/cousin/friend was never even sick once, are you sure it isn’t something else?” Good for them. No, pretty sure it is the 1 lb parasite in my uterus, but thanks for subbing in for my doctor, she is just so busy after all.
3. “It may be mental/psychological.” If my brain was strong enough to make me this sick, I could set you on fire with my thought waves right now. You better hope it is not “all in my head” or you are in grave danger.
4. “Have you tried…” Nah, I like this so much that I am taking a pass on curing it with a saltine.
5. “Well, when I was pregnant…” No one is looking for a ‘sickest person on earth” prize here. When you ask how I am feeling, and I say “Still pretty sick, but doing well” it is polite social code for “I don’t want to discuss this with you.” Please, for your own safety, take the hint.
6. “Well, when I was pregnant and sick, I was working so I just had to deal with it.” Right. Thank the universe I am just a SAHM and can lay in bed all day eating bon-bons and watching “ma stories.” Bite me bitch.
7. “You really shouldn’t…” Sadly, even among people who get that you are still sick and it sucks, the crazed advice begins to take another turn. Heaven forbid you work out, take a freaking OB prescribed Zofran or, GASP, eat something off the forbidden foods list in the hopes you keep it down.
8. Anything really. If one is visibly pregnant and still racing through the meat department at the market clutching an air-sickness bag, please note that anything you say will be greeted with a healthy “F-Off.” Nothing personal. Really.
* HG=hyperemesis gravidarum, a major pregnancy sad-face for a small-ish percentage of women who get to be deathly ill for the better part of their child-bearing experience. More on that in a later post……promise.
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