13 July 2009

Thoughts to Keep to Yourself When Confronted with a Hormonal, Pregnant HG* Sufferer

1. “I thought morning sickness got better after the first trimester.” Yeah, me too.

2. “I/my SIL/cousin/friend was never even sick once, are you sure it isn’t something else?” Good for them. No, pretty sure it is the 1 lb parasite in my uterus, but thanks for subbing in for my doctor, she is just so busy after all.

3. “It may be mental/psychological.” If my brain was strong enough to make me this sick, I could set you on fire with my thought waves right now. You better hope it is not “all in my head” or you are in grave danger.

4. “Have you tried…” Nah, I like this so much that I am taking a pass on curing it with a saltine.

5. “Well, when I was pregnant…” No one is looking for a ‘sickest person on earth” prize here. When you ask how I am feeling, and I say “Still pretty sick, but doing well” it is polite social code for “I don’t want to discuss this with you.” Please, for your own safety, take the hint.

6. “Well, when I was pregnant and sick, I was working so I just had to deal with it.” Right. Thank the universe I am just a SAHM and can lay in bed all day eating bon-bons and watching “ma stories.” Bite me bitch.

7. “You really shouldn’t…” Sadly, even among people who get that you are still sick and it sucks, the crazed advice begins to take another turn. Heaven forbid you work out, take a freaking OB prescribed Zofran or, GASP, eat something off the forbidden foods list in the hopes you keep it down.

8. Anything really. If one is visibly pregnant and still racing through the meat department at the market clutching an air-sickness bag, please note that anything you say will be greeted with a healthy “F-Off.” Nothing personal. Really.

* HG=hyperemesis gravidarum, a major pregnancy sad-face for a small-ish percentage of women who get to be deathly ill for the better part of their child-bearing experience. More on that in a later post……promise.

Check out even more, and better lists thanks to Listless Mondays at abdpbt.


Kerry said...

I had HG also, with both kids (and pre-eclampsia on top of it with the second one).

If I am ever elected to Congress, I will pass a law that says that every woman who has HG is allowed to kill three people per pregnancy. All three of mine would have been the ones who said, "Have you tried Saltines?"

Also, I worked full-time with both pregnancies (well, until I ended up on bedrest). Now I'm a stay at home mom. Having done both, I cannot even begin to imagine what it would have been like to have it while being a SAHM. At work, I could close my office door, and no one asked me what I was doing while I was throwing up. At home with kids...forget it.

So I totally sympathize.

Alexis said...


I would elect you. Method of death-penalty: pelted with saltines while we all chant "there, don't you feel better?"

RE: SAHM and WOHM, it all is very tough when you are sick. It is nice to hear that lots of us do this, and survive to tell the tale!

Christine said...

Funny list, but I'm sorry it is clearly inspired by feeling awful.

Kerry said...

Not only do you survive, but I am convinced that there is an upside: hospital food. I thought the hospital food during both of my births was the most delicious food ever. I had not enjoyed a single bite of food during my entire pregnancies, so when they brought me that full-fat cottage cheese and pudding and the little dish of canned pears, I was like, ohhhhh yeah.

Plus, that moment when the hand you the baby, and you know it's over and you get your prize now...I'm convinced that it's better for woman who have tough pregnancies. I earned those prizes, dammit.

Alexis said...

Christine, thanks for the kind words, even though it is way worse this second time around, I was so much more prepared for it. The humor my DH and I find in the sheer ridiculousness of it really helps.

Kerry- Yup,second time around, so I guess one gets over it. Agree totally about hospital food. I was all "oh my god this turkey sandwich is so amazing!" It really wasn't, but I did not know that at the time! And babies, oh babies, they are so worth it.

abdpbt said...

I had HG, too, though I never had to be hospitalized. I did take Zofran, and got all the bs questions too! So annoying. And yeah, I ate all kinds of stuff I wasn't supposed to, according to the crazy CYA medical establishment. And the newborn phase went so much easier for me, just because I was so relieved to not be pregnant anymore!

Eliz said...

I can't imagine having HG. Not only are you sick as hell but you have to deal with know-it-alls who think you're exaggerating and a medical community that has no answers. Makes adoption look easy and breezy.