25 August 2009

The Cable Conspiracy

So my husband and I have this crazy conspiracy theory surrounding our cable company. Without naming names (lets call them “Pox Fable”) our cable company, who is also our ISP and phone company, sucks. In addition to less than stellar service we think they may be running a racket to cheat paid advertisers and proliferate their own commercials.

In a nutshell, often, as in often enough that it is clearly noticeable, commercials get cut off 3-5 seconds early. Not a huge deal, but it happens with some regularity. Regularity that has become almost predictable. Interestingly enough, with equal regularity there will be commercial breaks that feature two, or more, “Pox Fable” advertisements.

I once hypothesized that I bet there is a cut off point outlined in advertising contracts determining how much of a commercial can get lost to “technical difficulties” before the cable company owes the advertisers money back. This would, in theory, make sure that advertisers got their full time slot and that the cable companies won’t owe Coke 2 kajillion dollars every time a storm blows through. Of course, the next logical step for an institution as upstanding as “Pox Fable” would be to often cut those commercials right at that point so as to make room for more, fully funded, advertising. Then DH made the point that led to our grand conspiracy theory. “Cut enough other commercials without fiscal responsibility and you have room for an additional “Pox Fable” commercial.” Eureka I said. Plus that commercial is effectively paid for by your other advertising clientele.

Sounds crazy for sure, but I wonder if it could be the case. I have been unable to find definitive proof that my so called “time lost clause” exists, but it doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. I also have failed to dedicate myself to the days of solid TV watching needed to prove the direct mathematical correlation between commercial time that is “lost” and the number of “Pox Fable” commercials that get run. In the mean time, one of my fellow internet Rubberneckers had designed a tasteful, and easy to knit, tin foil hat. Perhaps I should just make us a set and call it a day…