24 August 2009

Phases That Will Earn You A Kick In The Face

Just be warned, if these pass your lips, your very next words might be "Oh my gosh, my face, I can't believe Alexis just kicked me in the face."

1. "Epidemic" or "Pandemic" Re: The Swine Flu- Look up what those words actually mean, then shut up.

2. "In this economy"- Yes, it sucks, but it not one's personal justification for everything.

3. "Nazi, " "Communism" or "Socialism" Re: Health Care Reform- Those words don't mean what you think they mean...at least not in this context.

4. "Water Cup"- Dear Toddler...this one is for you. You do not need to have a sippy cup hanging from your face 24/7. Honest, you will live.

5. "You should call your OB."- Yeah, not so much. Some of us don't feel a need to use pregnancy as an attention getting mechanism. My OB has enough to do without me calling a hundred times a week because my stomach/gallbladder/ass/elbow is out of joint. (Mind you I am still milking this condition for all it is worth, but enough is enough.)

6. "Mini-Van" or "SUV"- Lots of people have two kids and a sedan. Plus, I like my car, it is fast and hot looking, unlike me and my childbearing body.

7. "What you should do is..."- Yeah, I am sure I don't need to elaborate on this one....

8. "Attachment Parenting"- I LOVE attachment parenting, and do a lot of it with my daughter(s), but really? It is just common sense people, not your personal validation for why you are a better mother. (Irritating woman at swim class with the superiority complex because she is still nursing her three year old...this one is for you.) Let's not treat it like a sacred religious doctrine.


See many better, and possibly less hormonally hostile, lists at Listless Mondays courtesy of abdpbt.com.

"Epidemic" Cartoon by Peter Nicholson of The Australian newspaper.


abdpbt said...

In my day a woman still breastfeeding a 3-year-old would be ashamed! OK, maybe not, but that's pushing up into the territory of, dude, they're going to remember that now. Also, aren't you pretty tired of it at that point?

Alexis said...

Yeah, though I wholly support anyone who makes the choice breastfeed, that was a bit odd. Your point about now being able to remember it makes it just so much skeevier... I barely made it a month, due to reasons too numerous and annoying to list here and well, I was SO over it then, three years...good goddess woman, boobs of steel on that one.

Tim G said...

"Parenting" with any modifier can explain anything. Good, bad, attachment, strict, liberal, conservative, spiritual, etc. There's probably a movement coming for "green parenting" don't you think? With three adult children now, it makes me wonder how they turned out as they did without us branding our parenting. Oh wait, we called it consistent parenting.

Alexis said...

Tim- Great point, I always figured parenting was justs omething you did, not something for which you had to have a name and a strict regime.