01 February 2010

There Should Be A Test…

7 Surprisingly Simple Tasks That One Should Have to Pass a Test to Perform

1. Using your car alarm. If you are too stupid to figure it out, don’t use it. This means you to all my neighbors who seem to set off more car alarms than any other populous on the planet.

2. Driving anything larger than a Honda Civic. If you cannot park it between the lines, stay in your lane or see well enough to avoid plowing into other cars on the road, take it back and get a sedan. Next time I can’t get my kids into their car seats because you are parked on/over the line, I will pop your tires Ms. White Minivan in the assigned spot next to mine.

3. Checking out at the grocery store. Get with it people, you will have to pay at some point in time, so do us all a favor and at least know where your wallet is when the time comes. Corollary to this is: writing checks. If you still use this archaic form of payment start filing the damn thing out before everything is rung up and bagged. Just please do this so the 35 people behind you don’t form a mob and kill you.

4. Using stop lights. Yes, right on red is permitted, but it is optional, not required and certainly not your guaranteed right. If there are other cars on the road, or, yes it does happen, pedestrians in the crosswalk feel free to at least consider pausing before you blast on around the turn.

5. Data entry- see my post on TRICARE…enough said.

6. Ordering in restaurants. The menu is there, you should read it. Please do not act surprised when you have to “choose two sides” or when you discover that the Shrimp in Avocado Peanut Sauce contains shellfish, avocados and tree nuts, all being allergens for you.

7. Interacting with me. I have no tolerance for people, and their general hopelessness, whatsoever.

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4 comments:

Ginger said...

Oh, the car alarm thing is such a pet peeve of mine. We had a neighbor in an apartment complex who, literally, had her alarm go off every single day. Every day for about a year and 1/2. I get all twitchy just thinking about it...

abdpbt said...

I hate the car alarm thing, too. what is the deal with that? And how effective can it possibly be, if they can go off all the time without anyone noticing?

Heidi Maxwell said...

HA!

And now I have ANOTHER new blog that I'm following!

Tim G said...

Sort of chuckling at #3. I get impatient whenever someone is writing a check, and I have been shopping long enough to know that's how most people paid for their groceries. And the clerks had to count out cash back or change because the cash register didn't tell them what the right change was.
Cash registers didn't go "beep beep" but they went "ca-chunk ca-chunk". THAT'S when lines moved slowly.
Do I sound curmudgeonly?