28 October 2010

Negativity Be Gone

As anyone can probably tell from the tone of all my recent posts, I have been in a pretty negative state the past few weeks.  I realize that none of my problems are in anyway special, but sometimes that feeling of having been fighting your way uphill for so long gets the better of you.  In an attempt to purge this bad place, I am putting the complaints and grievances out there.  Then we will be done with me and my boo-hooing.

In no particular order:
  • Cha Cha has forced me to place her in a police state.  I had the horrible realization one day as I was bribing her to not pitch a total shit fit in Target that from the outside, she is obviously one of those kids; the kind of kid who gets labeled as a brat.  I don’t want that for my little girl.  I also need very much to shed myself of my feeling of enslavement to her, my “fear’ that she will ruin an experience if I don’t make it perfect for her has basically given me a bleeding ulcer.  The answer to feeling resentful about her constant demands and poor behavior is the lay down the law.  We have instituted Time-Outs, which are total bull-shit by the way, and I have decided that from now on in she can go ahead and pitch that fit.  I am at a point where I would rather be the mom with the kid in full-on tantrum mode than the mom who is snapping at her kid in the grocery store to “just stop crying already.” (I used to think those moms were bad people, now I realize that those moms are probably just coping with the 20th hysterical fit to hit during that errand.  I have been humbled.)  In a nutshell we are doing time-outs, cutting out the endless snacks that keep me in the kitchen for 18 hours a day, enforcing staying in her bed at night and basically just encouraging her to work stuff out for herself while coping with life without the histrionics.  It is so hard, I know it will be worth it, but OMG the stress.
  • This whole moving settlement thing has me in pure fits.  The company offered a check that was not even close to our estimated amount.  They claimed that the bike could be replaced for X amount and that the arm on the couch could be repaired for Y amount and gave us the number for their repair guy.  After some digging I realized that this check was based on replacing my mid-level recumbent bike with a base level upright bike, and that the repair stuff made no mention of fixing the broken recline mechanism, or cleaning the huge stain on the micro-fiber.  Add in that the repair guy they recommended can’t even be bothered to call me back (apparently in this economy people can afford to just not return business calls) and yeah, we are certainly heading back for round two and every time I think about it I just want to weep.  I know that we are just one of a billion claims, that we are not special, that we brought this upon ourselves when we chose this lifestyle/career path, but I think enough is really just enough.
  • I really want to go to Stitches East since it is right in Hartford and my Mum and Sister will be there, but it is this Saturday, as in the day when all the local Halloween stuff is happening. Basically I have to choose between taking advantage of one of my rare chances to have some leisure time while Chris is still around and being here to enjoy Lil’Bitz’s first round of Halloween fun.  I think Stitches East hates parents.  I’m not sure which is more depressing; the fact that I will probably miss this event or the fact that I am apparently one of those self-entitled douche-nozzles who thinks the world should revolve around my choice to spawn.   Oh well, I suppose the last thing I need is more yarn…
  • Cha Cha has a mini-recital in a few months for her dance class and Chris probably won’t be able to make it.  Again, this is common, but it is just highlighting how alone I will be in this parenting thing come the spring.   While I realize that millions of kids in this country have a parent who generally misses out on such things, I now understand how hard it can be in the day-to-day even though you know it is all the right choice in the long run.   As always we are here due to our choices, but that doesn’t mean it is always easy.
Wow that is a lot of bitching and moaning.  I do feel better though and now I can move on to more interesting blogging topics such as Liberal Wank, Book Review Sundays and maybe some Domestic Diva as I get this mini-soiree for Lil’Bitz up and running.  I am also gearing up for a self-improvement project that I am going to share here so there is something good coming soon!

3 comments:

Alicen said...

I'm sorry, it sucks and I'm glad you got it out!

We are in a similar boat due to the kids of similar ages. I actually think we finally may be on the downhill side of the terrible 3's. Overall he seems to be getting better. Honestly he started changing a lot when he started school, no matter how many activities I planned per day it never seemed to be enough! I am thinking he just needed more stimulation than I could ever give him. (BTW I am in no way, shape or form saying school is the answer so please don't take the above statement the wrong way. I'm just stating a fact about him) Also he is about to turn 4 so the timing could be right to turn back into a human again. I HATED the three's, I'll just put that out there. It was pure hell on earth and I chose the path to let him throw fits wherever or whenever because "no means no". It was always extremely difficult and at times embarrassing. Not sure if you remember my little blip about how he threw at fit the first day of school because it was time to go. Talk about MORTIFIED!

A big thing now is trying to teach him to calm down and work through situations while controlling his emotions. He is a very emotional child and when coupled with being tired it's almost uncontrollable. Seeing as how he refuses to take a nap or rest we basically live constantly in a state of meltdowns.

It also sucks about the moving thing. We were pleasantly surprised when the check came for the actual estimated costs! I thought we were gonna have to fight. After this past moved I wanted to sob uncontrollably almost daily because so much of our stuff was missing or damaged, add to that the fact these moving people don't communicate with you at all and it's very frustrating. I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel about that!

One good thing (maybe) is that when Chris starts going out to sea again we will be moving up there soon after. I know it's not nearly as good but at least we can keep each other distracted for at least 6 months, maybe longer. It really is small instances like these that makes you realize just how alone you are when your a military spouse. It's even more difficult when you have kids. No one else "gets it" either unless they are also in the military. I used to always hate when I would take to a friend and would say "Brian's never home" and the response I would get would be "I know so&so works until late and only has every other weekend off". I know they could never understand but your husband comes home every night, mine is a mile under the ocean and I'm lucky to get an email once a week! Yes we "chose" this path but that doesn't make the situation any better or easier.

Sounds like you could use a hug and I wish I was closer to give you one! Or maybe a stiff drink if that's more your thing.

Alexis said...

@Alicen

Yeah, the Cha Cha thing will work itself out, and I do think school will be good for her, but I also think this behavior proves that she is not ready, as in, I may not have properly prepared her the ups and down of normal social interaction. Granted she is also her father's child in that she is so aware of how smart she is, and so uninterested in social norms,so yeah. It is a challenge, but then again, it worked out fine for Chris. Basically I made all the first-time parent/ only child mistakes and now I have to deal with it. We will survive

The moving company thing will also work out, mostly because I will just turn the whole thing over to JAG then call the local news with my "Military Family Endangered by Broken Sofa" sob story. I promise in a few weeks they will be begging me to just accept a full-value settlement.

As for the rest, meh, such is life. It is parenting life, it is military life, it is SAHM life...whatever. A week from now it will probably all be different so why even worry. :)

Thanks for the love!

Anonymous For Now said...

Dude, I am an hour away, any Sat, Sun, or national holiday I am yours.