18 October 2010

Someone...

Let me preface this post by saying that today has seriously wrecked me. The kids are sick with what may be the flu (thanks NBHC for not having your shots in even though flu season started like a month ago and I had finally conceded to popular opinion hat we should get them.  F. U.) so we were off to a rough start.  After that things really did not work out at any turn.  There were no naps, I got nothing on my "to do" list done and my laptop is out for the count.  This post is being written on my ancient Dell that is missing a few keys, has a half-functioning mouse-pad and an unfortunate yellow tinge to the screen.  Actually this might be high point of my day...

Anyway, all this lead sup nicely to how I was going to continue in my path of hopeless self-involvement and bitch a bit more.  Having written this post, I realized that the real problem I keep butting up against is that I am someone.  Not "someone" as in someone rich or famous, but someone as in the person who always assumes the role of responsible party.  You know you are also someone if:
  • everyone around you just assumes you will handle everything
  • you perceive that tasks that need doing should actually get done
  • you routinely find yourself in charge of crap you couldn't care less about
  • you feel obligated by position or politeness to be accommodating and willing to meet everyone's needs
Generally speaking whenever anyone is looking for a person to do a task, those of us who fall in this category assume that we should do it (because someone has to) and therefore we become someone.  This may be more common in people who are oldest children, or maybe only children, though I am sure anyone who has read this blog and stuck around is this kind of person because we tend to flock together.  I recognize that it may be my perfectionist streak and my belief that my way is the only right way, but still, I am not sure just how some people feel honor bound to answer the call of someone while others assume that the universe is just looking for "someone else."

I remember my realization that I was doomed to a life of being someone.  Growing up my mother always used to threaten that "someone better clean your bathroom or no one is getting to do ____ ."  I took her at her word and always did it.  I was someone while my sisters were simply "not someone."  Fast forward to when I return from college and discover that the bathroom has probably not been cleaned since I moved into my dorm.  I guess it sucks when someone leaves, then there is no one.  The real lesson here is that my mom had no intention of ever following through with her threats so there were countless hours of my life wasted, but none the less this illustrates my main point.  When you are someone you spend every minute of every day feeling under the pressure of forces around you, most often the desires of other people.  I guess after almost 30 years of this shit I am just a bit burnt out.

Maybe it is just the raging PMS (can we note that my body is violently opposed to being unregulated by pharmaceuticals and has been punishing me since last Christmas?), but I am feeling in such a funk over all this lately.  I know that it will blow over, but for now I will wallow in my self-pity and revel in how over-worked and unappreciated I am.

How about the rest of my someones?  Do you guys remember they day you realized that you were that someone and do you feel as resentful about it as I do?  Just curious because, you know, I do love to share the crazy.

4 comments:

Sarah said...

I don't normally post on blogs of people I haven't directly met. I am a dear friend of Alicen's and have occasionally wandered onto your site and have found myself checking it more and more. The reason I felt so compelled to comment is the last couple of posts you have had are really hitting the nail on the head (in reflection to my own life). I, too, and a SOMEONE. I am the oldest child, if that plays a factor, and constantly take on the responsibility and the "it has to be done" attitude, while others take a backseat and cruise my curtails. I often feel frustrated and unappreciated. I recently called Alicen to complain about all these grumbles. So, all in all, I feel your pain but alas, I feel that we will forever be the someone.

Alexis said...

Sarah-I feel like we have met since we share a love of Alicen! I am glad to know I am not just taking crazy pills here. So this one is for all the someones toiling away out there.

Alicen @ The Space Between My Ears said...

Aww...I feel so loved this morning!

Anyway this post hits home for me too. I too have been in a major funk! Worst than I've had in a while. As a matter of fact my "Slacker" post was posted for this very reason. I feel like I'm barely treading above water and no one cares. I have too much to do, too little time and am digging my grave in the process. I am to the point of giving up things I enjoy to try and "get ahead". Even think about crafting? FORGET IT!! But the DH can sit for hours playing his stupid computer game. I don't get it.

Funny story to prove my point which you guys will enjoy.

So 2 Fridays ago I had the pleasure of a blowout in the CAR! Does the fun ever end? Anyway I get home, Emma's covered in shit, the floor is covered in shit from putting Emma there, the carseat and car seat are covered in shit from it oozing out and managing to go down the seatbelt slot and onto my car seat and as you can probably already guess I am covered in SHIT! I know I have bare minimum an hour of biohazard control and started the bath to get Emma cleaned. I moved onto the floor and all the DH does during this entire thing is ask me "So do you have any dinner plans?" "What were you thinking about for dinner?" "What should we make for dinner?" "What do you want for dinner?"

Ok I'm sorry but I'm covered in SHIT and could care less about dinner right now since I'm not going to actually be able to eat anytime in the near future. Your 30 FIGURE IT OUT!!

Whew, feel better already!! Now if only someone will come and do the dishes for me.

Alexis said...

Alicen- thank you, this is exactly what I hoped this post would be. Let us all gather and vent for a bit in a safe space that being someone can really be, both figuratively and in your case literally, just plain shit.