Anyway, all this lead sup nicely to how I was going to continue in my path of hopeless self-involvement and bitch a bit more. Having written this post, I realized that the real problem I keep butting up against is that I am someone. Not "someone" as in someone rich or famous, but someone as in the person who always assumes the role of responsible party. You know you are also someone if:
- everyone around you just assumes you will handle everything
- you perceive that tasks that need doing should actually get done
- you routinely find yourself in charge of crap you couldn't care less about
- you feel obligated by position or politeness to be accommodating and willing to meet everyone's needs
I remember my realization that I was doomed to a life of being someone. Growing up my mother always used to threaten that "someone better clean your bathroom or no one is getting to do ____ ." I took her at her word and always did it. I was someone while my sisters were simply "not someone." Fast forward to when I return from college and discover that the bathroom has probably not been cleaned since I moved into my dorm. I guess it sucks when someone leaves, then there is no one. The real lesson here is that my mom had no intention of ever following through with her threats so there were countless hours of my life wasted, but none the less this illustrates my main point. When you are someone you spend every minute of every day feeling under the pressure of forces around you, most often the desires of other people. I guess after almost 30 years of this shit I am just a bit burnt out.
Maybe it is just the raging PMS (can we note that my body is violently opposed to being unregulated by pharmaceuticals and has been punishing me since last Christmas?), but I am feeling in such a funk over all this lately. I know that it will blow over, but for now I will wallow in my self-pity and revel in how over-worked and unappreciated I am.
How about the rest of my someones? Do you guys remember they day you realized that you were that someone and do you feel as resentful about it as I do? Just curious because, you know, I do love to share the crazy.