12 December 2010

No, But Really, It IS All About Me

So the basics of this story include the fact that we work up this morning to no heat or hot water because we had run out of oil. Yeah, we are dumb-asses, yup, we are. Now, this pretty much falls under the category of "life's little inconveniences" and less under "OMG Crisis, crisis, danger Well-Read Family," however as I was ripped from my morning to sleep in by the phone tag between Chris and the oil guy (who is a wonderful, wonderful man, BTW) this fact was hard to keep in perspective. Much like the grieving process my response followed some pretty predictable steps:
  1. Blame myself because these are the kind of things that adults are supposed to keep track of. Why did I not check it weekly? How am I going to keep up with this next year when I am all alone? Really, am I this stupid? As it turns out I am that lazy and clueless, but I am pretty much OK with that one now.
  2. Be peeved at Chris because I had asked him about this exact situation a week ago and he also felt no need to take action. Now I am pissed because yet again we are victims of the "I am not worried about it" phenomenon. Of course I am just projecting onto this minor glitch my full irritation that Chris is rarely, if ever, worried about it and I am pretty sure that deep down inside he feels that way because he knows, either consciously or subconsciously, that 99% of the time, he won't be around to deal with the fall-out. Of course, he may act that way, but I guess here I am really blaming myself (again) for falling for the same old song and dance...again.
  3. Be pissed at the property manager. She stated that "there was a scheduled delivery program where the guys comes on a schedule, fills the tank and leaves an invoice" Clearly what she meant was "this thing exists" and not "this thing has been set up since those details are why you pay a premium on your rent, so I can handle these details." This one may be a fair amount of pissed, but then again, isn't this my fault too? I mean I know she is a total space-cadet so why did I think this would be any different?
For anyone keeping track, yup, no matter how you cut it, this is all my fault. Good news, it IS all about ME!!!!! Anyway, it was all resolved, no harm done, I will set up this system properly tomorrow and the world will keep on turning. I guess the real thing I am left wondering is why was such a little, no big deal thing able to send me into such a tailspin. It is normal to immediately assume that every little thing that ever goes wrong is your fault? Is this a first-born thing? Is this a mom thing? Am I just taking crazy pills here? And lastly, and perhaps most importantly, Why is it that time and time again the universe provides me chances to prove the idea that if I don't handle everything, it will all be chaos?

I guess this is just one more piece of the completely uninteresting puzzle that is me.


corrina darling said...

In regards to No. 3, have you talked to the property manager about what they meant? The last apartment we had in CT had auto-delivery, but they NEVER came. We always ran out first. Our landlords even did the dirty work and called to yell at the company. So, you know, maybe you already have the "we take care of it for you" set up, and they're just as reliable as our heating company was.

Alexis said...

@corrina darling
Yes, our darling property manager is on my call list for the day. I have such a hard time with her because we do not seem to speak the same language. I mean we are both speaking English, but clearly we do not get the same take home message from the words. Worst case: she meant we should do it and now it will be done. Best case: she or the oil company dropped the ball and they can knock it off our next rent payment/bill.