I am still here, and while we are all fine and dandy things have been super busy. Liz had her tubes put in her ears, Charlie has been sick, we had my MIL here for a week (so awesome I could weep BTW) and my little sister is getting married so yeah, there is all that going on. Now, I know that I whine constantly about my pseudo-single parenting, and I bet you are all bored, but guess what? I am still doing it and it is starting to wear me down. Like, a lot.
The real issue is that I am just fresh out of emotional fortitude. My kids are at kind of difficult ages for this lifestyle (though I imagine there is no good age for this crap) and I am just mentally beat. Every single thing is a giant fight. We get up and fight about the potty, then about the PJs, then about the bed, then about the stuffed animals and so on. We have not even had breakfast yet and I am completely out of psychological gas.
The real icing on this cake came yesterday. The girls have tumbling classes "together" in that Liz and I participate while Charlie hangs out and does some coloring and then Charlie has class while Liz and I hang out. After dressing the two of them (imagine wrestling 35 pounds of bread dough into a set of pants), dealing with the "car seat buckle freak out" and arguing about hand holding for "parking lot rules" Liz decides to enter DEFCON00 level histrionics because she wants to color too. As I beg her to come and join class, a class that frankly bores me to tears and only exists for her benefit, I realize that lesser woman might just quit here. She would realize she is out of her depth and stop even trying. A a smarter woman would just walk away and realize that her kids are ungrateful assholes and there is not much to do about that. A stronger woman would know how to handle this.
Sadly, I am none of those women so I shall keep trudging on with my emotional reserves on empty, persevering in the hopes that someday my kids will appreciate all I did to try and make up for the absence of their father. Someday this will get easier, my kids will get older, my husband will be around and I will have some mental relief. Until then I will fake it until I make it. What else can you do?