My kids, like most children their ages, generally hit the ground running. Charlie's Time To Wake Alarm Clock turns green at 7:15 and you can bet that by 7:17 someone is next to my bed already in tears about breakfast cereal. Everyone herds downstairs, I pour cereal and I barely have the milk back in the fridge by the time they have lost interest and scampered off to play. (And by "play" I mean "fight over toys and cry.")
Unless of course we have somewhere to be.
This morning we were going to their first yoga class. It starts at 9:15 which given the "base factor*" meant we needed to be out the door by say 8:45/8:50. So what happens? They come into my room, crawl in bed cuddle up and demand a cartoon before breakfast. Forty-five minutes later they stroll downstairs and eat a leisurely two bowls of cereal (each!) followed by much relaxation and calm putting on of clothes at a speed best compared to that of glaciers. A veritable poster-morning for relaxed bliss...
...unless you were inside my head.
There you would have heard the frantic hyena-like screams of "for the love of all that is holy why can't you two just get out the freaking door. This is not even for me. I will not beg you to go to this class. Ieeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Now I get it, I love to stick it to the man. My own oppositional disorder is world renowned, but how do they know? I mean it is one thing when I say the night before "we have to go to the doctor's" and therefore they drag their feet because, well heck, you never know if a shot is waiting at the far end. It is a whole other kettle of fish when they just sense that today, of all days, your attempts to get them out the door are particularly time-sensitive.
Dude, that is just plain black magic. Nothing else to it.
*"The Base Factor" applies anytime you have to go the base and do something. You must leave insanely early. That way you hit no traffic, sail through the checkpoints, find a close parking spot and arrive to your appointment 30 minutes early with bored kids to entertain. Heaven forbid you leave a minute later. Then you enjoy rush hour traffic (regardless of time of day), get the full security car search after waiting behind a lost retiree for 5 minutes, have to park in Alaska and arrive five minutes late with frazzled tantrum-prone children.