The only thing perpetuating this whole "mommy-wars" phenomenon is our own willingness to engage in the in-fighting. In-fighting that is often, I might add, instigated by the pervasive normalization of everything by male standards. If you think the media is not controlled by old, culturally-white men who stand to gain everything by engaging this last venue for anti-feminist rhetoric, then that is your real problem. Notice it is "mommy-wars" and not "parenting-wars" or "daddy-wars." Sure men may be making all the rules, but they sure aren't suffering from the fall-out. It may not be as obvious as say anti-choice legislation, but this is one of the many quiet, subversive ways that women will always be kept in our place. Sure, I probably sound like a crazy person right here, but think about it. Don't we all kind of know this is true?
Here is the pact I am making:
- I will try not to judge other parents; their choices are their own business. This will be hard, I am a bossy-know-it-all by nature.
- I will not sit around sighing "why can't we all get along" because we can, we are choosing not to and all the whining in the world won't fix that.
- I will make sure that I recognize parenting as important work for all people involved. Fathering* is a big deal too and I will not let the focus on women devalue the input of the "non-mom partner."
- I will not get sucked into the endless debate that shameless pot-stirring like this issue of TIME inspires. The fact that printed news is a dying medium is no excuse to be so anti-humanist.
*Fathering here meaning the role of the person not traditionally identified in the role of "mother." The fact that many families do not consist of the traditional heterosexual pairing should be accepted as part of the over-all goal to end this regime of parenting (mommy) guilt/ fear culture.