06 May 2013

Rollercoaster...of Pants Sizes

I have been doing the long hard slog of Weight Watchers and was almost to a loss of 8 pounds.  Then we spent the weekend working on the exterior of the house and I did not adhere strictly to my points. I did try to make good choices and keep a rough estimate of what I had eaten so as not to blow it big time.  After two solid days of intense physical labor-  tearing down fences, moving the wreckage around, cleaning then scraping then repainting the trim and deck, planting the veggie garden and moving most of the crap we have in the garage to the shed- I went off the wagon and just ate my damn dinner.

The result: in two days I gained back all 8 pounds and couple bonus ones too.  I will give a few of them a pass, hormones mean that I may have probably gained two pounds in my boobs alone, but still...what the fucking fuck.  This news makes me want to stress eat an entire batch of cupcakes, but perhaps I will avoid that for the immediate future.  However, this raises two very important (though not surprising) points:
  1. If I want to achieve any measure of sustainable weight loss I will have to spend every minute of every day until the day I die meticulously tracking every single bite that passes my lips.  If I want to look a certain way then I will be a literal prisoner to my caloric consumption forever.  Sounds great right?
  2. Maybe for me calorie restriction just isn't the answer.  No matter how you cut it there is something seriously messed up with my body if I can gain 10 pounds in two days even when trying to make weight conscious choices. If the only way to lose weight, let alone keep it off, is to basically subsist on a starvation diet despite my actiavity level, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
So where does that leave me?  I don't even know.  I will keep at it, hope that it is a fluke and maybe really aim to cut out the fluffy carbs while I am at it, but needless to say I am not feeling very optimistic here. 

I hate this. 

I hate how it makes me feel about myself. 

I don't think this is what the brochures were talking about when they spoke of wellness being empowering.