11 November 2013

Apparently My Life Is Much Like The Zombie Apocalypse...

...the first rule of both seems to be "cardio."

Apparently I am way too old and/or out of shape for my daily life. Either that or the universe actually hates me. I may be leaning towards the latter. While the past few days have been amazing in terms of productivity and getting my life in order, my entire body has been punished.

My rewards for all the hard work are, in no particular order:

  • Burn on my arm from the iron.
  • Aggravated tennis elbow (or as Chris so kindly calls it " hand job arm"...we keep it classy around here) from lugging boxes and using the leaf blower/rake.
  • Giant hole in my foot where I had to do home surgery and remove a tree-sized sliver.
  • Splice out of my ankle from shaving. Jesus, why do those dang cuts bleed do much. It looked like a crime scene in my shower for a cut that is, no joke, maybe a square millimeter in size.
  • Possibly broken toe, this is why I MUST put on my glasses the second I get out of the shower!
  • What I think is a piriformus muscle pull in my one butt cheek. Yeah, I literally have a huge pain in my ass. Insert all the jokes right here...

It is hard to keep a positive attitude about all that we accomplished this weekend when the powers that be seem intent on punishing me every step of the way. I am sorry, is gaining some control of my life not the desired outcome here? Did I piss someone off in a past life. So in recap, spent the entire week doing really hard and sucky adult stuff so that I can "enjoy" being immobilized by any number of ridiculous ailments.


This will need to be one hell of a bathroom. Maybe that whirlpool tub isn't such a bad idea after all...